Anniversaries are hard. 

Every year around this time I think about my grandpa. On the 19th of February is the 3-year anniversary of his death. The first year was of course the most difficult one. It was awful. My grandfather was really important to me. He was one the people who accepted me and one of the people of which I wasn’t afraid to express my feelings. He was one of the people with whom I could get angry without feeling guilty. It is important for a child to be able to express all of his feelings without feeling guilty of having them. Unfortunately, in my family “a child should never be angry, because it has nothing to be angry about. Grown ups are right, he is wrong, end of story”. My grandfather had something different. He was not perfect, in fact he was way different from perfect. But he had that little difference in his beliefs, which was vital. He was the only one that didn’t make me feel guilty.

I have never processed my feelings of him and his death. It is hard and I am afraid of feeling too sad. However, this year I decided to do that little by little. So let’s do one fragment of that together.

What does it mean to lose somebody that way? It means that you will never see them, right? You will never have interaction with him, his actions won’t affect you or your environment. So it’s like they leave an empty space in your surroundings and in your heart. They are not here anymore and you can’t do anything about it. Nobody can know how that feels like, unless they have experienced it. Nobody can tell you not to feel sorry because “it is something that happens”. Nobody can tell you how long you should grieve for them.  You take as long as you need. You lost somebody, it’s ok to feel sad, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be spacy and forgetful sometimes. Take the time to process your feelings. It is not pleasant and sometimes you don’t want to feel a certain way, I get that; but it’s in our nature to feel. If we don’t take the time we need to understand our feelings and process them, they will just return even stronger. Accept first to yourself, that it’s a difficult period for you and take a break from your stressful and difficult program if you can.

Remember also, that only you can make you happy. Other people can contribute to your happiness, but only you can set the foundations of your own happiness. Don’t demand from others to treat you ideally and don’t blame them for your misfortune and sadness. Just set boundaries, if you feel something is making you feel worse. Explain yourself in a calm way, try to communicate with them. They might not know how to support you or what you need at that particular problem.

Finally, do something that makes you  feel positive and calm. Go for a walk, draw, go cycling, call a friend, cook. I know all that you want is to stay in bed and do nothing. And I am not saying don’t do that. Just don’t do it forever. After your grieving, do something for you,even though it feels odd and ironic. It will distract your mind and little by little you will feel less sad.

Every loss is different. Every situation is different. Every person is different. Just take your time. Time does not go backwards, but fortunately it goes forwards even though sometimes it  feels stuck.

Thank you for reading this.

May you have a calm day

Lina

P.s This post was in inspired from the last episode of my series, however I felt more comfortable making it an independent text.

 

 

 

Advertisements

(Don’t Fear) the Reaper

Season 14, Episode 11

“On your death bed, no one wishes they’d worked more. That’s the trite little phrase people tried out when they want to play hookie, or spend too much money when they go on vacation, or shame parents when they miss their kid’s soccer game for a board meeting. On your death bed, no one wishes they’d worked more. Tell that to the people who love their work. ”

“It’s not about whether you spend your life in a boardroom, your bedroom, or on a beach with a mai tai in Maui. When you look back on your life, the only thing that matters is, did you spend it doing what you love with the people you love? Were you happy? Did you make the most of this beautiful, terrifying, messed up life? Did you let go of all the things that held you back, so you can hold on to what matters most?”

Did you?

The last episode was a  bit different with lots of  flashbacks. That is not my  favorite kind of episode, however it was indeed a very  powerful episode once more. Many thoughts came to my mind as I watched it.

The first thought of mine, regards the first half of the quote, and it was about the workaholic people. So I thought “What is really a workaholic?”; according to the dictionary workaholic is: a person who works a lot of the time and finds it difficult not to work. So if somebody loves his job and  works too many hours, is not a workaholic? What if he confuses the feeling “I love my job” with a feeling “I feel uneasy when I am not working”? The feeling that you get when you can’t satisfy  a compulsion can be really frustrating, so you can will succumb to it, in order to feel good.

The second thought that came to my mind, was whether I  currently do what I love in my life…and oh boy that is a difficult question. I tend to be very strict to myself; I am a perfectionist (the reason that my posts are not very tidy all the time, is because I  am trying to beat that perfectionism). Anyway, to be honest, personally, I  know what makes me happy; I mean really happy but I can’t do them because I have too many responsibilities and little resources. And as I thought that, I focused on the plural “many things”, and I thought “ok, I guess that there will be one small thing that I could start doing right now, and feel happier right now”. So I found some things like drawing, or going for walks close to the sea, which I really enjoy, but I tend to ignore as minor, time-wasting activities. And then I told to myself, “why do you regard  something that makes you happier, no matter how “small” or “big”, as a waste of time?” It is important and it should acquire as much time as every other activity in your life, because it makes you feel good, and you deserve to feel good.

So I am going to finish this post by saying that: Do what you love.Find the time.It’s for you. You deserve it.

Please tell me any thoughts coming in  your mind  after reading this.

Have a lovely day

Lina

#4 Cake by the ocean

“A ya ya ya ya ya”

 

Ok, today you can all see, that I posted a different type of song that I used to post. I recently thought that I haven’t listen pop music for a long time. So, I decided to follow a pop playlist on spotify. I discovered many good songs, and then one day I thought let’s search for that song with the “ya ya ya” lyric.

This song makes me feel like dancing and  laughing. I think that its melody is very funny and it makes me feel good. I tend to listen to it when I am feeling a bit down, and instantly it boosts my mood. I don’t know how and why  music  can speak to our soul in such a powerful way; maybe it is because it  makes you feel understood. Just think that whoever listens to a song, he interprets it in its own way. Different people can love a song for the same reason, or for completely different ones. They can even like different parts of the same song or the same part of the same song for different reasons. What am I trying to say is, that every person sees in music a part of himself, and because of that he feels less alone and more understood. He recognizes something familiar with his own sentimental world and thus, he believes that somebody out there understands him. So in my opinion  by this way music, creates connectivity and minimizes isolation. Nobody is alone, however sometimes its difficult to see it.

Please share in the comments section if you have something to add or to disagree with.

Have a musical day!

Lina

Oops

Hello!

In this section I usually put the monologue quote and then I express my opinion, however last’s episode quote is about some sensitive issues(religion and politics) that I wouldn’t like to discuss about yet. However, I thought it was better to explain, why there will be no post today than to leave it blank.

The only thing that I would like to say, which is relative to the last episode, is that sometimes we experience days where everything is bad. These are the kind of the days that you wish they never existed. When you feel that way please think that “ok it was bad, but I made it”. Be proud of yourself for that. You made it; Both emotionally and physically, you made it. You did the best you could and that is enough. Be calm, learn from your mistakes and try to accept that some things are not in your hands.

Good day

Lina

A good morning

Another day at my office. However this is a day that I am really proud of myself because I managed to get up early. I woke up at 8 a.m; my alarm clock was set at 7 a.m but it’s ok, let’s take small steps at a time. I wanted to get up early because I wanted to have more me-time. It suits me very well to spend my me-time in the morning, because my mood is better through the rest of the day.  I am experiencing lots of stress and disappointment at this point of my life, because I have to finish with my thesis (which is not at the stage I was  expecting it to be), so these morning routines that I try to implement in my life are really helping me to cope with all these negative feelings.

What I did today was some yoga exercises for hips and sciatica. My hips are very stiff because I spend too many hours sitting. I used to be a ballet dancer, so this stiffness is something that I am not used to, and it really makes me sad that it affects my flexibility.  The exercises that I tried today made me feel incredible. Only one session was enough to make me feel more flexible and it helped released the tension from my hips. At this moment I am sitting in my desk and I don’t feel any pain in my lower back at all. I am so excited with these results.

I am so happy that I was able to treat my self in such a good and nourishing way today. I advise you to do that to yourself too, no matter how busy you are. You may think that it is a time loss, but that is not the case. On the contrary, it will boost your mood, your energy and it will make you more productive.

If you want to know which yoga video I did, tell me in the comments section. Please let me know what is your morning routine or if you are a similar activity too.

Have a creative day

Lina

 

%d bloggers like this: